Unless you've been spending the last couple of years living under a log (and then only if the log doesn't have broadband, or at least dial-up, or at least a tv), then you've probably heard of "social networking" websites like Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, and a bunch of others whose names I don't know.  These are places online where people go, put up pictures of themselves (or, more likely, their dogs and/or cats -- goldfish are optional), do searches for people they haven't seen in a kazillion years ("kazillion" is an estimate here), and then talk about everything they happen to be doing during the day.

I'll admit that I'm a Facebook addict.  I go to Facebook several times a day (Note: I'm lying -- I log on a lot more than "several") to check the "news" -- which is a scrollable screen filled with the status updates of all my friends.  "Friends" is an interesting term here.  In regular life, outside of the social networking cloud, it means someone that we can count on in a pinch, someone we'd like to go to lunch with, someone that knows a lot of our secrets and can offer us advice when we're in need of it.  On Facebook, a "friend" may very well be one of those.  But he or she may just be someone you knew slightly back in the day (my current term is is the "Back When", as in "Yeah, I was a bit of a jerk in the Back When"), or an acquaintance of someone else you know, or and enemy that you want to keep an eye on (or who wants to keep an eye on you), or someone whose profile picture you think is cute.  And, any time, you can log on to Facebook and see what these people are up to -- what their plans are, what their hopes and dreams are, what their philosophies are, what they're saying to other Facebookers, what kind of music they like, what kind of movies they watch ... depending on the person and how much they share, you can see something about nearly every aspect of them.  And they can see the same in regards to you.

It's addicting, this immediate insight into what people are doing and thinking.  Most of it is fairly mundane: going to the gym, headed to the beach, arguing politics.  But it's like the Weather Channel: I find that if it's there, I just have to keep watching.

It's addicting ... and scary.  The Cloud is ushering in an age when there will be no more secrets.  "But," you say, "that's great!  Secrets are bad!  Secrets just cause pain and hard feelings and ... and ..."  Yeah, you're right, secrets do that.  But secrets are nothing if not masks, and we all wear masks -- at least metaphorical ones.  I put on a different mask when I am teaching than the one that I wear when I'm out with my friends, or visiting my family, or talking to strangers.  These masks aren't lies so much as they are simply different aspects of my personality.  But what happens when everyone -- students, friends, family -- can see ALL of my masks at once.  There are things we like, perhaps need, to keep separate.  What are my students to think if they happen to be my "friends" on Facebook and I complain there about my day in class?  What happens among my friend "friends" when I make a snide comment to one that another one sees and takes the wrong (or right -- we can all be cruel some days) way?  How disillusioned will my family be if they see on my Facebook page that I have listed [fill in the blank] as my political, religious, or philosophical stance?

Well, we're going to find out, I suppose, because the Cloud isn't going to go away.  Our voyeuristic tendencies are too strong, as is our desire to have people understand us.  But in the interest of putting off the End of Secrecy for as long as possible, I offer these Ten Commandments of Social Networking, brought to you from the heights of the Internet (motto: Telling You What Your Best Friend REALLY Thinks of You Since 2002):

1). Thou shalt avoid Status Updates that say things like, "So the test results came back and they're positive."

2). Thou shalt never write about someone's relationship with someone else unless they mention it first.  Certainly don't do so on their Facebook Wall.

3). Thou shalt not post pictures of other people in compromising positions unless you want to get them fired, divorced, or drunk.

4). Thou shalt not post pictures of yourself in compromising positions unless you want to get yourself fired, divorced, or drunk.

5). If Thou hathest a lot of "friends," Thou shalt remember that they ALL see your status updates.  Thou shalt not make these so obscure or such a private joke that only three of your 165 friends will get it.  Okay, you can do this once per week.  But that's it.  No more.

6). Thou shalt keep in mind that writing on someone's Wall (their profile page) can be seen by ALL of that person's friends.  It's a little like spray-painting "So, Johnny Hardenhoyt, did you ever get that job that you interviewed for without your boss knowing?" on an interstate overpass.

7). If Thou art involvested in one of those ubiquitous Facebook games like Mafia Wars or Farm Town, erm, well, try to keep the rest of us out of it (hold on for a moment while I go check my harvests in Farm Town ... I'm back.  They're fine).

8). We know that you love your dog, your significant other, your baby, your car, or -- in my case -- your hammock.  Thou shalt not share this information ad nauseum, though a few times a week is okay.

9). Thou shalt not spend all day on Facebook.

10). And, lastly, Thou shalt be kind to children, animals, and other people.  This one is just good advice no matter what you happen to be doing.

Now, if you'd be so kind as to excuse me, my mother has sent me a friend request and I have to decide how to answer that.